>>118591
Eh, that works too

She was spying on them the whole time and even got caught.

Kimura dominating X-23, shit basically writes itself.

>>118312
So, after they are finally broken he gives them a specific tattoo that marks them as property?

Thats pretty hot.

Maybe you can expand on that idea by including piercings and stuff like that, body modification in this particular scenario can be pretty sexy.

>>118599
Thanks, I agree. It's a branding, actually, not a tattoo, and it's part of the ceremony that eventually breaks her will. You can check out the full story here: http://www.superheroinecentral.com/mrx/xpage/stories/pegasus.htm

>>118334
Malice (Susan Storm) also goes through some body modification - she gets a nipple piercing. I might start applying this to more of the slaves in the future though. I like the idea of Rogue getting tattoos...

>>118610
>I like the idea of Rogue getting tattoos...
I like the way you think.

You have gotten much better

>>118619
So much so in fact that it would be cool to see your past comics or art with your improved skills.

Anatomy and specifically faces are pretty sexy now.

I like the corsets and lacy underwear they are later using.
More of that.
They sluttier the better.

Emma already dresses pretty much like that, so I don't know how you could top that.
Pasties?

>>118621
This is something I'm actually planning on. I know I want to redraw the She-Hulk chapter, which I will post now. If you've read the full story from Submission Agenda Book 6, you know this is just... lackluster.

>>118626
I don't think I've actually ever drawn Emma in a full-on corset. It might be time. What I usually opt for, as you may have noticed, is to let her live up to the title of White Queen by covering her in cum.

Fin

See, I definitely could go back and improve this.

>>118640
Yeah, the set up is pretty good, but honestly I don't think the art does Shulky justice.

>>118629
I get what you are saying

BTW, did you ever do something with Jean when she went all Black Queen?
I saw her in the Sue story, but not when she was transformed.

>>118641
She was already Dark Phoenix in that chapter, but had to appear like the old Jean not to arouse Sue's suspicions. If i redrew that chapter as well (which would be tough, it's a long one) I would probably make her more Black Queenish.

>>118591
>>118592
If Mary Jane is going to get corrupted, there better be some symbiote involved at some point...somehow.

Because that would make it the hottest thing ever.

Wow, you guys are just full of ideas. And here I was thinking I was nearing the end of my smut career.

>>118650
I would keep how the scene played out pretty much the same, even replicating plenty of those panels.

Only instead of Mary Jane spying on their conversation of how they fucked in the past, she is spying on them actually fucking. Maybe she even witnessed how he seduced her or brainwashed her, making the fact that she watched that whole thing happen to her best friend and didn't do anything about it, all the most interesting. Hell, maybe thats how you can include her in the story. Something about her friend completely falling prey aroused her so much that she unable to stop herself and started masturbating, thus was later caught when Gwen opened the door.

After that, I don't know, I know even less if you want to include the symbiote.

>>118651
Dude, when porn is involved I never run out of ideas.

>>118598
Pretty sure there was an entire thread about this at some point here.

Am I the only one who finds this type of porn far more sexy when is a woman breaking the will of another woman?

I guess Lesdom just does it for me.

>>118655
women forcing others to do things sexually is always hotter than a man doing it . . . unless they're a trap

>>118655
What the hell is this from? That looks professional.

>>118659
Clermont's X-treme X-Men

Its nothing but X-Men chicks dressed in bondage like costumes, having bondage like adventures, with tons of mind control, tentacles, transformation, etc for good measure.

>>118660
Claremont, I mean.

And yeah, its an actual comic, but full of that stuff.

>>118660
Hasn't he done some extremely suggestive work in the same vein with Milo Manara? What happened to him?

>>118662
He is still doing X-Men stuff

All right, let me keep the promise I made over on /co/.

First off, your anatomy is frequently skewed in such a way as to suggest you're copying another artist instead of drawing from roughs.

The smiles are very gummy. It's kind of distracting.

To your MC, the only concept of submission is someone permitting someone else to have sex with them in a dominant position. MC is a fetish a lot of outsiders hate because it's done so crudely in fanfiction and porn -- it is the DEFINITION of wish fulfillment with only a paperthin pretext.

What I'm saying is "build up to it." Make someone refuse to submit and the controller toy with them SLOWLY. They come to work wearing no underwear, they gradually find they can't avoid touching themselves in public situations, and NO they do NOT immediately enjoy it just so your conscience as a writer is intact.

MC is no different from nonconsensual physical domination in this regard. Make your peace with this and move along, because you are in one of the least morally grey fetishes around. And ironically if you give even the tiniest shit about writing, it's where a writer needs to be when conceiving villains and antagonists.

(continued)

>>118660
There's some actually readable stuff, like when Rogue gets rid of Vargas for good.

>>118662
The thing with Manara was officially published by Marvel, actually

Back now to your regular schedule.

>>118668
Make your main character interesting. He's an unsympathetic protag which is fucking hard to pull off if you don't know what you're doing. He has literally NO reason to do what he does other than "he can do it," and while we can debate the philosophy of this for hours, readers want to believe in your character -- who has no motivation other than MAN I SURE LOVE ME SOME SUPER PUSSY, WE BOTH KNOW I'D NEVER GET ANY WITHOUT THIS TRICK.

You don't have to make him likeable but you have to make him understandable if he's unlikeable. Dexter murders serial killers not because it's a crack premise but because he has been trained by his father to turn his urges against the only segment of human society no one will miss -- other serial killers. Just because you write porn is no reason you can't take the characters seriously enough to keep them in character.

And over at SHC, the defintion of "in character" = Wonder Woman clone #495 has to say something like "Suffering Sappho!" once per story. The rest of us look down on SHC for this reason.

Emma's a great character to turn because she herself is an unsympathetic protag. She's a bitch, she uses other people, she's a Bostonian so insecure about it she pretends to be British, and even when she does something good everyone assumes she has an ulterior motive. You? You skipped all of that and made her "I'LL GET EVEN WITH YOU HARBLSLSLLGLLGGLGG*gulp*what can i do for you now, Major Nelson?"

That isn't his wish fulfillment, it's YOURS. And everyone sees it and looks away, embarrassed for you.

(continued)

>>118670
Your layouts have far too many heavy closeup shots of faces because you're avoiding showing people losing their control with body language. This is inexcusable, and actually worse than Liefeld putting things in front of feet to get out of having to draw feet.

>>111061 he undresses Emma while she can't resist

That isn't mind control, that's some asshole at a party slipping a roofie into her drinks. Emma telling him to go fuck himself and he replies "you first" with her initially cursing him, then in looking down in horror she sees her hands molesting herself, THAT'S mind control.

Doing it in front of a webcam with a live display of it streaming on mutantwhores.com where it will destroy her reputation and her relationship with Scott forever -- that's punishment by consequences, it's turning the tables on her, it's a chance to see her show terror and possibly even begging to end this.

Because what people want to see is Emma Frost get what has been coming to her for a very long time. And masturbate while doing it. But more than anything, they want to believe this is in character, in situation, and not standings wearing wigs and costumes.

(continued)

>>118668
>>118670
I agree with most of the suggestions.

Especially this one.

>What I'm saying is "build up to it." Make someone refuse to submit and the controller toy with them SLOWLY. They come to work wearing no underwear, they gradually find they can't avoid touching themselves in public situations, and NO they do NOT immediately enjoy it just so your conscience as a writer is intact.

One of the reasons I liked about the idea of the nerdy chick from Gotham Central trying to dominated Wonder Woman, is that the whole thing was supposed to take her weeks if not months to slowly break her mental barriers, so yeah, the actual process of step by step slowly breaking her down through subliminal messages, drugs, and other hypnotic devices she stolen from the Gotham evidence room, was somehow more appealing and sexier. It helped with the set up too, since she would have had access to her pretty much 24/7 by working and living at her Embassy.

Also, concerning that likeability and motivation, that thread also came out with a pretty believable reason given the character habit of fantasizing about Batman. I mean, if you were living in a world filled with gods I'm sure you would have fantasies about them.

Her motivations also gradually changed, like at the beginning she only wanted to be close to her, but slowly started to get infatuated, and at the end just downright possessive.

The slow change in both the character motivations and actual domination would indeed work better for the storytelling and sexiness.

At least thats what I think.

Oh and in case you're wondering, YES I've worked on writing these kinds of scenarios, so I'm lecturing you from inside the fetish, not from outside.

>>118630 This time, Jennifer Walters is in for a shock.

Emma is an unlikeable cunt whose stock in trade is domination of little boys pretending to be men.

She-Hulk is beloved because she isn't into power trips, she is as fair minded as a bruiser as she is in her civilian identity as a defense attorney, and she has a large sense of humor about her sexual reputation. No one who isn't disturbed wants to see her punished for the crime of owning a vagina. Does that mean you can't have fun with her and take advantage of how much abuse she can take? Hell no.

But make no mistake, this scenario is incredibly generic. No one who reads She-Hulk thinks "Jennifer would be such a whiny bitch if her power card was taken away from her." If *you* think that, go back and read the book.

As I said before, SHC has ingrained a lot of terrible habits in you. Too many of you there model your writing on Mr. X's Blunder Broad ("he---he's raping an orgasm from me!!!") or Smudge (people love masturbating to tits being ripped apart amirite). While that shit might be incredibly popular at SHC, GoT and their sister sites, do not for a moment believe you aren't serving the narrowest niche market of custom porn and that outside of those sites, people won't call you out on it.

(continued)

>>118673
Also, just trying to blackmail a superhero never really works for me.

It just seems like a cheap and lazy way to get her to agree to really high consequences to herself and body.

I mean, unless its something really worth of being that secretive.

This is used in hentai a lot, and it almost never works wither.

Hell, a better way would be to put innocent people in danger or something they love, but even that also can be cheap.

>>118674
Yeah, it was one of the things I mentioned in that thread about fanfics and even here before my post got deleted.

If the story doesn't follow the basic characteristics of the character and lore, than it just completely falls apart.

You have to know what makes the heroine work before you can really write a story about breaking her. that even applies to the characters in the story itself.

If they are not acting in character than it just feels like a generic rape-fic.

>>118673
This is Ed Brubaker. He is one of the best writers in comic books today. He CAN'T avoid following structure and buildup any more than you can choose not to breathe.

Claremont was an inspiration to perverts within the mainstream comic book industry because he simultaneously elevated women across the board in all his books and THEN objectified them. He made the Hellfire Club a bondage gear outfitter. He made Betsy Braddock go /ss/ hard on Doug Ramsey (resulting in the editors mandating the complete character destruction of the former and the death of the latter). He set up a tiny jewish girl from chicago getting plowed by a russian meat miracle four years her senior.

But the reason he got away with this shit is because he was a good enough writer to invest our feelings in his characters and situations. He is the man who made an entire generation wish they could fuck Rogue (and rage when the editors inevitably invented a better stand-in than their own). a character who defined "moe" before most of us knew that term existed.

Be the leaf, Pegasus. Right now, you're a fan artist below most on deviantArt and you've got to hit those showers.

>>118677
Oh, I'm familiar with Brubaker and Rucka.

One of the reason I think that awesome combination of Rucka's Wonder Woman and Gotham Central came together actually.

The whole scenario was a long shot in both the character changing quite dramatically in her morals, and in Wonder Woman herself actually getting completely dominated by someone else. I mean, that was sort of the point I think, a nerdy chick becoming the absolute mistress to a goddess who is supposed to have an incorruptible will.

So yeah, the whole thing was supposed to take a while in order to accommodate that character development and her finding ways to slowly corrupt such a powerful being.

In the end I think thats what made it all the more sexier however.

>>118679
That thread was basically the story of a pretty normal girl, who became a fangirl, and then slowly actually acted on her fantasies.

I think that could for a character like the one in this comic

If he actually starts out quite normal and slowly changes, than we can get to know him better and actually even like him in a weird way.

Otherwise the whole thing of him always being this sex mastermind, kind of get old and seem like projecting in a bad way.

>>118675
Simple rule. If your writing makes it easy to envision your antagonist/villain twirling their moustache, well...

Amon Loses It Parody

>>118680
it's funny because she looks like Jessica Jones about to shlick to Johnny Storm.

>>118682
I think it might be the same artist.

Don't quote me on that though.

>>118680
Kind of like how Ultimate Reed being a complete powerful asshole works quite well.

>>118668
>>118670
>>118672
>>118674
>>118675

Thank you so much for the incredibly specific, detailed and helpful advice. I appreciate someone putting the time and energy into such a thorough analysis of the work. This is something I couldn't get anywhere else.

I agree with much of what you say. The quality of my work started out quite low - as you might suspect, this is just a hobby of mine, and something I usually did one-handed, if you get me. Some of these are up to 4 years old, as well. I like to think I've come a long way, at least artistically.

When it comes down to the themes of the work, I appreciate where you're coming from. I don't know why wish-fulfillment is a bad word in porn, but I don't think rape followed by the woman loving it is a concept I invented. Far from it. Furthermore, I feel like I'm underrepresented by the comics I've posted. You guys should read the full text story at http://www.superheroinecentral.com/mrx/xpage/stories/pegasus.htm because the situations tend to vary more.

I'm glad anyone likes or is even reading my work, and all of your comments will go toward making me a better artist. Thank you all.

>>118724
You have gotten better in the art department, thats for sure.

I do think that Anon is right in trying to develop your main character more, and actually "build up to it" concerning the heroines' descend into complete submission. Thats ultimately what makes the whole thing the most sexually rewarding to begin with, at least in my opinion.

The set ups are serviceable, but if you really want to get better in making actual comics, you need to come out with a more creative and varied scenarios.
The whole "Smooth guy rapes the heroines until they like it" tends to get old quickly.

Also, you might want to add bondage or other domination fetishes to complement you storyline, its just a suggestion though.

Most important thing however, is remember to always keep the heroines in character. Otherwise, the whole fantasy fall apart incredibly fast.

But yeah, keep at it.
You are actually improving considerably.

Have some official art of younger Jean from the animated show to motivate you.