I was raised around self-loathing ghetto blacks. I could write an essay on the stupid shit I've heard.

>>338830
Pick the stupidest of both then?

I... I can't do it. I can't rationalize while a 22 year old girl would think meowing in class and acting like a weaboo-cat-thing would be the correct thing to do in a social situation! Every time I try, my brain tries to light itself on fire!

>>338832
Maybe she's a terrorist, and your brain lighting itself on fire was her intention!

Why doesn't somebody make a fast food restaurant that sells fast food (ie McDonald's) breakfast stuff ALL DAY LONG?

Answer: They do. It's called Dunkin' Donuts.

Stupidest statement I've heard that I can recall:

A customer asked me what a mechanical pencil was. I explained to her that it was a pencil that had an advancing lead so that you didn't need to sharpen it. She asked me why anybody would want that and I had no response.

Rational: She's retarded.

Stupiest things I've witnessed:

Back in highschool. Teacher wants to show us movie. No TV available. Intends to go next door and ask to borrow their TV:

>"Sorry to disturb, are you using your TV?"
>TV in plain sight.
>TV is off.
>"No, not today"
>"Can we borrow your TV then?"
>TV is mounted on wall.
>"I'm sorry, it's mounted on the wall"

At a party:
>Friend has wristwatch (like most people)
>"You know where I can find a clock?"

Chemistry class:
>"Here's a bottle of mercury"
>"It's one of the heaviest elements we have in our inventory"
>"Go ahead, pass it around and see for yourself, just don't drop it or we'll have to evacuate the school"
>Proceeds to pass bottle around.

Friend:
>Places makeshift surfboard on staircase
>"Hey, watch this!"
>I think you can guess how that ended

As for me: The only stupid question is the one that's not asked. I tend not to ask many questions. I guess that makes me pretty stupid?

Evaluation: Everybody can be both stupid and smart. That goes for me too. An you /baw/, don't lie to yourself.

The stupidest thing I've asked that I can think of at the moment was asking one of the coaches at work when the squad that he was presently teaching began, then when it ended, then when it started again, and so on. The guys facial expression was a mixture of "how can you not understand this?" and "you're not usually this stupid" with a touch of "why are you my boss again?" This is a man who has to work with children on relatively sophisticated training methods every day, and is also a regular drinking buddy of mine. The levels of stupid I was hitting must have been quite high.

The stupidest thing I've ever witnessed first hand?
>Parent and child come to the pool
>I assess the child to be in the mid-to-low echelons of the learn to swim program
>Explain to parent that we have spaces suitable for child at pools x, y & z at times i, j & k.
>Parent points at lane full of teenagers how are bigger than me and swimming state and nationally competitive times.
>"Can't he/she just swim with them?"

I think the dumbest thing I've ever asked was actually a rhetorical question I posed to myself when I was a kid. At least, what I can remember. I've probably asked stupid questions I don't remember.

Anyways it's "Bats are nocturnal. Thus, if Bats were people, would they pay the electric company for the time they keep their lights off?"

NO BECAUSE YOU ARE 8 AND YOU ARE SILLY.

As for dumbest thing I've heard first hand: "I think Pat Robertson is abused by popular media"

I'm having a hard time rationalizing this one.

It's only human to act retarded every now and then.
That said, I could give you an entire list of:
"Yo, check this out!" or "Don't worry I know what I'm doing!" situations that ended up... bad, really bad.

Taking a class I had no buisness doing at a university level, like computers.

The dumbest thing I've ever heard someone else say, and became one of my most favorite jokes two years ago, was that "Blind people aren't gay".

>>338942
>Blind people aren't gay
Wut?

>stupid questions

I always ask "stupid questions" according to other people.
But hey, if you don't have any knowledge on a certain field of subject, no access to a library or the internet, then asking questions to confirm or debunk your accusions is really really stupid, right?

If Bruce Wayne is a millionare playboy by day, and fights crime at night...
When does he sleep?

>>338958
Board meetings.

>>338965
Ok. I got another queshtion:

We can look forwards and we can cross our eyes, but why can't we look in opposite directions? I mean, the muscles and mechanics are there. I don't mean extropia on one eye, but both eyes.

>>338965
More like bored meetings, amirite? Up top.

>>338969
When I was younger I wanted to be a chameleon so I strained my muscles trying. I think I pulled it off, but our brains aren't wired to take in the information like that so it was just blur and headache.

>>338969
Crossing your eyes is possible because your body needs to be able to focus its binocular vision on something that's really close to your face.

However, the way our brains are wired and structured to interpret visual information, we're just not set up to be able to meaningfully interpret visual information that's coming from two different directions like you're suggesting. We have all sorts of hard-coded tricks and adaptations that let us infer depth and movement from inferences and relative motion and which eye something is coming from that's all specific to binocular vision.

We're just not set up to do it, basically. You're right, though, the muscles are there, but we couldn't do anything useful with them even if we tried.

>>338948
This is how the joke usually worked, someone would rightfully call it out and everyone who heard it before would make obvious logical fallacies in order to explain this bullshit. Like gay people are basically in love with themselves so if you blind them then they are in essence cured from loving their own gender. It was a quote from this one really crazy girl I had a class with that I and the professor just couldn't help but laugh at every nonsensical thing that came from her from time to time.

>>338972
Could you tell me how you trained yourself to achieve chameleon eyes?

>>338977
>...we couldn't do anything useful with them...
PARTY TRICK!

"HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS DISEASE CALLED AIDS"
"YOU MEAN LIKE A HELPER"

>>339174

Second hand, but a teacher friend of mine was teaching about AIDS, and a little girl said that she had "AIDS" in her hair, and proceeded to scratch furiously at her scalp. Yeah.

>>339174

>>339174
>>339177
Wow... just... wow.

A senior in my Field Biology class asked what a mule was, when we briefly mentioned animals that were products of cross-species breeding.

Like she literally did not know what a mule was. Trying to prompt her with sayings (stubborn as a mule, etc) only got further confusion and her saying she's never heard of it before.

I was... just shocked. It's not like it was some exotic new animal it was a goddamn mule.

A kid in middle school telling me that men only get breast cancer if they're gay, and that I was an idiot for insinuating that women can't get prostate cancer.

I was also informed that I couldn't be Jewish because we'd all been killed off thousands of years ago, and asked if we circumsize women, too.

Rationale: People are misinformed and stupid.

>>339242
Can I ask where you live? Because those things imply a lack of education that I would find very alarming in a developed country.

>>339317
I'm not sure why you're surprised given the amount of shit that goes on in developed countries.

>>339242
well.. I've been hard pressed to think of the stupidest question I've ever been asked, but one of the recurring stupidest things I keep hearing from suburbanite Jews on the internet is that somehow they're not white people because they're not white, they're Jews. Not even once and not just by one dude, either. Not even in a cultural sense, which would be pushing it. Literally thought being questionably descended from semites interspersed through various population pools made them as distinct a race as any other.

I don't even mean, "I'm not of western european descent. I'm semitic." I mean, "there's vanilla, chocolate, mongoloid, aussiloid and JEW!"

good lawd your religion doesn't change your race, man. No, being a religious minority doesn't give you race cred to patter to the Hispanic dude about "crazy white people" in World of Warcraft. You're a lily white subrubanite, you're just humus flavored. The relatively frequency this has occurred is disconcerting to me.

>>339327
Well, the cancer things I guess are easily explainable as generally middle-school silliness, but the Jewish things... I just can't imagine anyone who grew up with any degree of exposure to Western entertainment in the last sixty could harbor these misapprehensions.

>How do I breathe
I shit you not.
It was in swim team so that's context but it was bar none the stupidest OOC thing I have ever heard.

>>339505
God damn it you made me spill my drink.

>customer orders eggplant dish
>"so what kind of eggplant is this?"
>baby italian eggplant, sir
>"so its like a special variety?"
>its just baby italian eggplant
>"so like, if i'm allergic to eggplant can I still eat this one?"
>wat
>check opentable report
>no allergies
>"so ya im pretty deathly allergic to eggplant but i figured this restaurant has some special variety i'll be okay with'
>wat
>wat

>man comes into auto shop
>sees 1992 Acura Integra
>"Oh my god, is that a Nissan Skyline?"
>why yes it is sir, and I continue to fuck with him for about twenty minutes till he catches on and then asks
>"Wait, is Nissan Acura?"

my personal stupidity
"so how long does this stock boil for?"
trying to buy cooking wine - "if it's for cooking, why is it wine?"
pointing at TV - "Is that your computer?"
using a mac - "Why don't you have Microsoft Word on here?"
"Why isn't tuna dolphin meat? I mean, they're just false advertising when they put the dolphin on the side of the can."

There is no rationality. Many people were dropped on their heads as infants, and I happen to be one of them.

>>339505
What was the question-asker drilling at the time?

>>339513
Alot of Macs do have Microsoft word on them.

>>339517
Dunno, some shit about staying underwater to go faster or some shit. Don't really remember.

A few I can remember...

Elementary:
"Dhaslim & T. Hawk are brothers because they're both Indian!"

HS classmate:
"If you put the headphones' plug to the magnetic strip inside a cassette tape & spin it really fast, you can hear the music!"

"You can CREATE a computer virus by REVERSING Norton."

"Martin Luther King freed the slaves, right?"

"So, where exactly is the Middle East located?"

My favorites of all time is people saying Africa is a single country and that they want oil to run out already so the world can be much more stable place than it was back then (late 90s). I have heard people of all ages say both at one time or another.

>"So, where exactly is the Middle East located?"
That.... I had to... I mean...
Laughter.

>on what continent is the united states of america

>"I'll have a whiskey on the rocks."
>"Would you like ice with that?"

>"I'll have a screwdriver."
>"What's that?"

Verdict: There should be requirements for becoming a bartender.

Stupidest question I was ever asked is either:
>"Wait, wasn't it Michelangelo who painted the Mona Lisa?"
or
>"Does Jimi Hendrix still do stuff?"

Stupidest question I ever asked:
>be 3 years old
>grandma died
>"Mom, can you stop crying and play Concentration with me?"

Ve all do stupid tings, dats vot makes us human.

>>339581
>on the rocks
To be fair, this saying is getting reeeeally retro. Even my dad doesn't say it anymore, and he's an alcoholic if there ever was one.

>>339772
So just "I'll have some whiskey." will do? In that case I've been doinitwrong all this time.

Also:
>Would you like fries with that

>"Mom, can you stop crying and play Concentration with me?"
wow

>>339772
drinking alcohol has been quite retro as well for quite a while, too. seriously, that's the proper way to say it. because people are lazy and ignorant nowaday doesn't mean we should suddenly start to communicate with half words and a few animal noises.

>>339806
Thankfully I empty half a bottle of whiskey at home. Every day... I has a problems.

>>339779
I'm with you, That Guy.

>[insert whisky here], neat please.
>Do you want ice in that?

Above and beyond the fact that I have just specified that I do not want ice, it's particularly stupid when it's a 25 year old Scotch. Those Mormon bartenders man.

>>339772
A proper bartender should know what it means. Hell I don't even drink and I know what it means.

>"He's got a... Non-Mac."
>"I dunno, does your computer have Microsoft Word?"

Did you just.... Honestly.... I mean...

>>339998
Microsoft Word runs on most OS.

ITT: We all fail to admit our stupid questions and focus on everybody else's.

>If twin brothers A and B married twin sisters C and D, and both couples had children, would those children be genetically considered siblings?

This question sparked a six-hour argument with everybody at work. It was both glorious and infuriating.

>>340034
...what was the out come?

>>340034
>>340036
If they're monozygotic twin siblings in both cases, I'm pretty sure that the offspring would be siblings genetically, yeah.

>>340001
That is why I wat'd.
It's like they thought MSW was only on Macs.
One of the single stupidest things I've ever heard.

>>340036
One-third thought they would be, another thought they'd be cousins, I forget what the one-sixth thought, and the last sixth thought it didn't matter, since it was an incestuous pairing.

>>340073
The key thing here is the word "genetically." Genetically, they come from identical sets of parents, which means genetically they're siblings. In "real word" terms, they're cousins, because the only time the fact they're genetically siblings would matter would be, like, organ transplant time or something (and even that, cousins could work sometimes as I understand it), but I'm fairly certain they would have as much consanguinity as siblings despite only being cousins.

>>340080
To be fair, I didn't include "genetically" the time I asked.

>>340034
No.

Siblings are people who share at least one parent.
One child would have parents A&C. The other child would have parents B&D.

Solved it in 90 seconds.

Regarding twins, this is much scarier:
http://www.thetech.org/genetics/ask.php?id=68

>>339317
At the time, I lived in Michigan.

>>340020
Ok, here's something stupid I said. Dunno when or to whom, but the idea's still stuck in my head.

Here's how to smuggle drugs through a police search:
They'll stop you and ask for your ID then take you to a private room where they'll strip search you.
The trick is: Before they search you, reverse pickpocket one of the officers, planting the drugs on him when nobody's looking. After they've performed the search and found nothing, you pick pocket the same officer on your way out.

>>340130
Sounds lejit.

>If Death had a wife, and she slept with another guy, would she have cheated Death?

Reply get's better:

>Death doesn't have a wife because he's got no penis.

LOL WUT???

>>340328
Those aren't stupid, they're jokes. They're not great jokes, but there's no way they're the stupidest ones you've ever heard.

My turn to ask a stupid question:

If schools have fire drills and bomb threat drills, why don't they have killing spree drills?

When I was in first grade I asked 'How do I see things' and got laughed at by the whole class. But to be fair to little!me what I wanted to know was how eyes worked :x

Stupidest question I asked when I was in 2nd grade. I felt my canine tooth and asked "Am I becoming a monster?"

Every time I remember this I want to punch myself

>"I think the only reason we feel rape is bad is because we tell kids sex is bad. Rape is really no big deal, it's just that we grow up thinking sex is special or magical or horrible. I doubt rape would even be a thing if we didn't acknowledge it as an issue. What do you think?"

I think this kind of thinking is why we considered military vets with PTSD as "sissies" for so long.

>>340421
Who the fuck said that? And did you enlighten them with your fist show them the error of their ways?

>>340421
Just wow. I mean. Wow.

>>340421

>>340422
Longtime douchebag friend I met on steam. May possibly be struggling with a moral compass problem due to a lack of experience.

He's an alright fellow, but its one of those situations where a guy that barely knows any better is getting his advice and opinions from an overly confident somewhat megalomaniacal/psychopathic peer. I'm not sure if this fellow really believed it due to a lack of feeling, or if he had feeling but was ready to be shaped by a perspective that made sense. But, I like to think I set him straight.

I work at Papa Johns. This was asked of me weeks ago...

>"Do you have fresh cat-fish as a topping?"

Oh they get better...

>"Which is bigger, a large or a medium?"
>"How much salt do you mix in every serving of pizza sauce?"
>"Why don't you wear full body suits? Like haz-mat? You're handling my food."
>"Do you serve non-dairy cheese?"
>"Could you put all the ingrediants in a box? I'll make it at home."
>Me: "Sir, due to the snow, we've lost power" Him: "Yes, that's a shame, but it's no excuse not to cook my pizza."

>>340461
>"Do you serve non-dairy cheese?"

I lol'd.

>>340462

There is a such thing as cheese product that is not actually made of cheese, but rather like vegetable oil or something.

>>340461
There should be some sort of basic competency test that they should make you take in high school or college. If you fail, you have to take a "How Stuff Works 101" course until you can prove you're not a complete and utter moron.

>>340471
Yeah, vegetarian cheese. One of my family members eats this. So that's one question that wasn't entirely stupid.

>>340481
>>340471
I know, but to the average person who forgets that not all cheese is dairy, the situation for the question is just hilarious since it's asked in such a confusing way.

>Do you have any non-dairy cheese?
>Ye-uh, what?

It's like asking for non-paper towels. You get a massive mindfuck until you think "Oh...bath towels."

I've also gotten...
>"Can you make me a pizza without cheese or sauce?"
>"Can you make me a pizza with just cheese and sauce, no bread or dough?"

I'm dead serious about BOTH of those.

>>340484
>"Can you make me a pizza without cheese or sauce?"

I can kinda see that being possible. But the second one, no, that's like... spaghetti topping or something.

>>340485
Where's that pic of the Pizza Hut online order being without cheese or sauce and just having sausage tossed in the box?

>>340484
>>340461
There are a bunch of different relatively commonplace pizzas without cheese or sauce, I've seen catfish offered as a topping (no weirder than anchovies), and non-dairy cheese is a thing.

>>340461
>"Could you put all the ingrediants in a box? I'll make it at home." I lol'd.

Are you sure you're workplace isn't in the vicinity of a home for retards? Otherwise, This makes me question humanity in a worrisome way.

Well, I hope you're always friendly.
>McD: "Would you like it here or to go?"
>Me: "Oh a bag will do."
>McD: "It's called "to go" man, not "bag""

I could have sworn I heard some insult when I turned and walked away. When I told my friend he said "What did you expect from minimum wage workers?".

>Do you have bags?
No.
No.
You just carry all your shit to the car, one piece at a time, AND IT DIDN'T COST ME A DIME, YOU'LL KNOW IT'S ME WHEN I COME THROUGH YOUR TOWN

My stupid question, actually I don't think it's that stupid cause I've heard several people ask this:

Why do the French say "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to sleep with me tonight?)
Unless they have a tendency to go:
-You wanna have sex?
-Sure, when?
-Would Friday be alright?
I don't see why they have to add the "tonight".

I'd like an answer please.

>>340607
Because it fits the rhythm of "Lady Marmalade" better.

>>340502
Kind of a dumb move on your part actually, disrupting the flow, even if it wasn't intentional. He gave you two clearly stated choices, yet you chose to say neither of them, EVEN THOUGH what you said was similar to one of the choices. If it were me, I would've asked again ("All right, a bag...so would that be To Stay or To Go?") or pulled a dick move (Give it to you as a To Stay, leaving a bag on a food tray. When you ask what's up, I'll explain that you didn't specify, tell you that some past customers had wanted to stay in but also wanted a bag in case they wanted to take any uneaten portions with them).

Examples:

- "What would like to drink? We have Coke & Schweppes" "I'll have a Seagrams." (SO WOULD THAT BE SCHWEPPES, WHICH IS ALSO A GINGER ALE?)
- "Would like paper or plastic?" "Lemme have a shopping bag." (SHOPPING BAGS COME IN PAPER & PLASTIC)
- "Would like one bag for everything or split it up into two bags?" "Could you double it please?" (DOUBLE WHAT? THE ONE BAG OR THE TWO BAGS?)

You do this because you're assuming the cashier or whatever automatically knows what you're talking about. They don't. If they were to always assume what the customer wants, they'd lose their job pretty fast because whatever they're assuming usually ISN'T what the customer wants.

>>340611
Boy I'd hate to meet you at the cashier. I was in a hurry and just said what was on my mind, there was no need to insult me behind my back (I heard that you know).

Oh here's another dumb thing that happened to me. Not really a question, though.
One time, when I was little, I tore the tendons in my foot. When the doctor had finished the diagnosis he called in the nurse to put some bandages on me and left. The nurse asked me which one it was she had to put the bandages on. I was already completely under painkillers and actually told them the wrong one. I was completely oblivious the entire time, while they bandaged up my perfectly good foot. And happily walked out of the doctor's office after that. When my mom was driving me home the pain in the bad foot started to come back and I was like: "Mom, I think I told them to bandage up the wrong foot. We need to go back."
My mom's still laughing her ass off over it every time the story gets mentioned (most of the time she likes to bring it up herself).

>>340621
Good thing they didn't amputate the wrong foot.

>>340614
He's giving you two perfectly clear options. Your role as a customer with even the most basic common courtesy is to choose and answer with one of the two given options. Not with "what was on my mind". If you're in a hurry, even more so. Hell, they're working in a fast food joint! They're in as much as a hurry as you! They give you the perfectly clear options to reduce the thinking process on your part and streamline the process on their part due to reducing ambiguity during the order. Every SECOND it takes them longer to deal with a customer is noted by the manager breathing down their necks. Let them ask their questions, answer them clear and concise and both of you will be done with the affair much, much quicker and everyone will be thankful. And no, "being in a hurry" is not a fucking excuse.
Can you tell I worked in a fast food place and hated customers like you?

>>340611
>>340626
I think you guys are taking this way too personally. For once, I'm agreeing with TG. If the guy was confused, all he had to do was ask for clarification.

>>340607
I'm still waiting for an answer.

I remember back when I was stupid.
I thought you couldn't drink hot water.

>>340949
When I was a little kid, I used to like pretending I was a doctor whenever someone in the home was sick. But even that young, I was smart enough to know I couldn't be administering real "medicine", so I substituted a measuring spoon full of hot water instead.

Hey /baw/, I'm really serious. Can anybody answer my question?

>>340959
If somebody has an answer and feels like it, they'll give you one. Otherwise, seek answers elsewhere.

>>340607
Because it's an offer for "tonight." Or in other words, as soon as possible. They aren't asking when the best time available would be.

...and the mystery continues...

Her:
>"Hey, would you happen to know the name of the author of the bible"
Me:
>"Uhm... have you tried googling it?"