>>>i'm working a a bicycle shop
>>> Woman walks in, marches past row after row of bicycles of all shape and description, looks me dead in the face
>>>>"Do you know anywhere that sells bikes???"
>>>mfw she was srsly

>>341429
I don't care what you think, that's fucking hilarious.

>>341580
The wierdest thing was when she finished. A couple of people asked unrelated questions until somebody finally commented on it.
Until then I was like, did I understand her correctly? Am I the only one who heard that? That's why I didn't raise my hand.

>>340607

Probably because french has a lot of odd quirks and proclivities which are maintained because of tradition.

today in bio
retarded girl didn't know trees were goddamn plants

what did she think they were?

>>341822
How does one get that stupid? I mean, maybe she thought "plants" were only those little leafy green things that grow in pots, but still. That's just astoundingly stupid. There should be no excuse for that.

>>341830
Bad parenting blah blah blah. But really, you'd have to be living in a box all your life to not know something like that. Or maybe that fact is so commonplace no one thought to teach it to her. Hmm.

>>341822
In bio our teacher disassembled one up those plastic bodies and asked someone to put the organs back in. When he couldn't he said try staring with the lungs. After some time it turned out he couldn't name a single organ in the human body.

>Silly kid: We don't have to eat. The only reason I eat is because my parents make me eat.
He was serious.

On an aquarium:
>Please don't knock, nobody's going to open.

>>341872
>Silly kid: We don't have to eat. The only reason I eat is because my parents make me eat.

How old was said kid? Just tell him to stop eating for a few days and see what happens.

>On an aquarium:
>Please don't knock, nobody's going to open.

I find that more funny than anything.

>>341873
10+

[Younger Brother] "So <this chick he knows> is visiting colleges today."
[Mom] "Oh. Doesn't she have kidney stones?"
[Younger Brother] "Yep, but it's college. She still had to go."
[Mom] "What's she going to do with that baby if she goes to college?"
[Younger Brother] "... probably keep it, I suppose."
[Mom] "Shithead." :|

This one time, I was a kid at an elder's birthday. During "Happy Birthday", I accidentally blew out the candles for him just before he was going to. I turned red and nearly cried.

I just read an internet review for a soldering iron, in which the buyer said "I dom't think this thing is very well made. When I plugged it in, it gave off a weird burning smell, so I unplugged it and threw it away."

My personal case of stupid was that I was thinking, "Oh yeah, that's reasonable" until I got to the the comments, which said "Of course it smells like it's hot, you dope, it's a soldering iron!"

This is a true stroy told by my Dad's friend, who's a lawyer.

There was a black guy, and an elder guy. I don't know how this happened, but the old guy gave the black guy his cellphone. The black guy then juggled, yes juggled, their cellphones. Next, the cellphone accidentally fell into an aquarium, I shit you not.
Now obviously the old guy demanded that the other pays for or buys him a new cellphone.
The lawyer came into play when the black dude refused to pay, stating that the other guy didn't follow his advice to dry it with a hair dryer.

Not retarded, but still worth mentioning:

My friends and I exit club. Friend completely, utterly wasted. Woman gets into car. Friend hops in.

>He: "Hey sweety, wanna fuck?"
>She "What the... I don't even know you. Get the fuck out of my car!"
>He: "Ok, one moment."
>Pukes all over her and the inside of the car. Leaves.

I know it's wrong, but damn we all had a good laugh.

>>342919
Your friend deserves to get his scrotum caved in.

>>342919
Ha! An innocent girl who was probably afraid she was about to get raped was vomitted on by a drunk stranger! Truly, that is the essence of comedy.

>>342921
This.

>>342919
you and your friend sure are complete fuck ups.

>>342925
Hey, I didn't do anything. But I still lol'd hard.

>>342919
Your friend is a douchenozzle and you're a asshole.

>>342925
>>342947
Zero sense of humerus.

>>342969
it's called empathizing with the victim.

>>342969
So much this.

you can empathize with the victim while still finding it absurdly hilarious

but maybe I'm too accustomed with /v/ and /pol/'s sense of humor

>>342997
>you can empathize with the victim while still finding it absurdly hilarious
There comes a point where you're too horrified to be amused.

I could probably see that being funny to fans of Least I Could Do, or something equally shitty.

>>342969
Did they offer to help clean up? Did they apologize? No? Then they're assholes and the situation is not funny.

>>343016
>Humor
You do realize that's entirely subjective right.
I can look upon a field of burning corpses belonging to innocent civilians and if one of them explodes you bet your ass I'm going to have a giggling shitfit.
An asshole is also up to ones views.
YOU find them assholes and unfunny, but I find it to be a fucking riot and those 2 to be internet heroes.
We're both right.

Was it funny?
Yes.
Worth being beaten for?
Yes.

Sometimes you hurt the one you love and laugh while you kick their ass. Because that's how it has to be.

>>342919

A schadenfreud....

Yesterday at the emergency room:

>Man: I swallowed 20 of these pills
>Doc: Why?
>Man: My doctor told me to take those pills
>Doc: I'm sure he meant one at a time, not all at once

Ha,Ha, he's totally retarded...

>Check statistics
>The majority of overdoses happen this way

... ಠ_ಠ

>>343337
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

"what? but how can water burn you?" (for some reason I was thinking friction-wise. I was 13 and very tired)
Stupidest thing I've ever seen: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2009/04/19/burned-at-the-stake-after-being-accused-of-witchcraft/
The answer is water can burn you because it can be infused with a great deal of thermal energy which it is very, very efficient at transferring to human flesh simply through conduction.
As for burning the "witches", using only thin branches with fucking GREEN LEAVES on them, maybe they were genuinely bad people and maybe that was the only non-owned wood around?

Have headache. Ask for painkillers. Get some aspirin. Date of expire: 2001.

>Uhm... these are like, a decade old...
>So what?

I ain't no doc, but this is pretty reckless. Went out to to get some new ones, a whole pack costs less than a buck, don't be so cheap!

Restarting this because of recent events:

"AC/DC isn't a band, it's an electricity"
"Can I jump off the bridge?"
"If atoms are magnetically repulsed, I'm not touching you~"

That last one was actually kinda genius.

Well, this isn't entirely stupid, but I just had to chuckle the way he broke the "news" to his son.

>Where do babies come from?
>Errm... It's like... you know... a man pees inside a woman's private parts.

Some things are better discussed at home.

>'Teenagers shouldn't even be on the internet because there's child porn'

What... WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! HOW ARE WE RELATED UG GOD

>>349014
Question:
Now that most kids have access to the internet, are they now more exposed to porn than ever before? If so, what are the consequences?

>>349123
THEY ARE TAINTED, KILL THEM OFF AND MAKE A NEW BATCH.

>Masturbation is a gateway drug to sex.

>>349169
if that were true, a good chunk of us would be a lot more emotionally stable with way better self-esteem.

>>340102
What? No. A and B are identical twins, and so are C and D. They would be, legally notwithstanding, siblings.

>>349169
I... wut???

>>349169
>The more you masturbate the more likely you are to have sex
People only wish this was true.

>>349195
>more emotionally stable with way better self-esteem.
I don't think sex works the way you think it does.

>>349331
Specifically: getting laid doesn't make you more mentally stable and give you self esteem. Being mentally stable and having self-esteem is what gets you sex.

>Russia is part of Europe
Heh.
Heh.
Heh.
Siberia.

>>349696

>>349331
>>349339
That was sarcasm. Come on, I'm a retard, but even I'm not that spergy.

>>349698
As in the EU.